55 Seconds to Better Listening Body Language-Dr. Sheri Meyers

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 55 Seconds to Better Body Language

…From Dr. Sheri’s Love Prescriptions for Partners

Love-In-Action: Attuned Listening


“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker.
When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging,
intensely interested listening,
our spirits expand.”
~Sue Patton Thoele

Listening is not just about hearing what your partner is saying.

When you truly LISTEN it lets your partner know that you are taking them in and that they are being heard, known, accepted, and understood.

This IS literally love in action.

Wordlessly you communicate “I hear you.” “I get you.” “I receive you as you are.” “I love you.”

Having our words, feelings, and thoughts heard, taken in, and received feels like LOVE on the deepest level of our being.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Epictetus

Generally speaking, when your lips are moving, you aren’t learning much.

Listening takes work.

Typically, when others are speaking, we are thinking, preparing our response, reacting, not listening.

Our minds tend to wander especially when listening to something uninteresting or uncomfortable.

We have trained ourselves to take in just enough to get by because usually that is all that’s required.

However, when it comes to relationship problems and issues of the heart, sloppy listening just doesn’t cut it. We need to employ a different type of listening.

Call it- Attuned Listening.

Attuned Listening- Attention, Presence, Validation.

Turn in. Tune in. Take it in.

The Attuned Listener’s Body Language

Body language signals show your partner whether or not you are tuned in, present, and listening.

Your eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice and body gestures, demonstrates your interest, attitude, and openness.

Staying mindful of your body and conscious of what its saying is essential to effective listening and communication.

Attuned Listening BIG DO’s

Maintain an open body posture, face your partner, uncross your arms and your heart.

Keep your eyes in contact.

Stay aware of your breathing.

Keep yourself open and receptive by remembering listening is LOVE

Effective Listening is about being open and receptive.

A relaxed body allows for an open mind.

When listening, sit and face your partner maintaining an open body posture.

Keep your eyes in contact and stay aware of your breathing.

Facial expressions tend to convey what we are feeling at the moment.

Be mindful of what your face is saying.

Be prepared to counter expressions of indifference or disagreement by reminding yourself that your job is to listen and support, not to judge or advise.

And don’t forget to watch your breathing! When we are agitated, our breathing becomes quick and shallow.

When you notice this happening, take long deep breaths.

This focuses the mind and relaxes the body allowing you to return to a receptive (instead of reactive) state.

A good first step is to keep in mind that the minute your partner starts saying something you don’t want to hear, your shoulders will tense and your instinct will likely be to leave or end the conversation.

Breathe and say,
“I’m staying here.
I love my partner.
I’m going to take deep breaths and listen.”

Repeat as needed.

We all need to be listened to and understood. Most of us grew up without enough focused attention. This is one of the kindest, most loving things you can do for and with your partner.

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