CHATTING OR CHEATING
Sheri Meyers, Psy. D.

“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.” Amy Bloom

The “I’m so into you” kind of romantic, adoring love doesn’t naturally have to fade over time. It happens when we stop feeding our relationship with the nourishment it needs: Attention, Appreciation, and Affection. Think of these elements as the prime ingredients that feed the soul of our love.

Let me ask you 3 simple questions. Be honest.
On a daily basis how much…

• Loving attention do you give and receive from your partner?
• Appreciation do you give and receive from your partner?
• Affection do you give and receive from your partner?

Giving and receiving positive Attention, Appreciation, and Affection is at the core of what FEELS LIKE LOVE to most of us on the deepest of levels.

These 3 relationship fundamentals powerfully express:

• You are loved.
• You are valued.
• You are known.
• You are accepted.

While GRAND GESTURES and celebrations are exciting and sensational, LOVE and INTIMACY grow strong, secure and feels safe in the STEADY, READY, & FRIENDLY arms of another’s loving Attention, Appreciation, and Affection. Daily exchanges of the 3A’s cultivate closeness, emotional safety, and more loving behavior.

Dr. Sheri’s 3 A’s Romance Repair Kit

Give Your Attention
You FEEL what you FOCUS on.  

Where are you putting your attention?
If you focus on what is wrong or missing, those are the things that will dominate your perception and drag your energy and your relationship down.  When you direct your attention to loving your partner and celebrating  what is GOOD, LOVING and RIGHT, it will immediately shift your feelings and  improve your relationship.

What kind of daily attention do you give to romance and love in your relationship? 
Spending positive, quality time together, communicating, building your friendship, and having fun are all ways to give each other positive attention.      There are many ways to say and show “I love you.”   No matter how long you’ve been together, do you REALLY know what makes your partner feel most loved by you?  When you speak and show attention in the LOVE LANGUAGE of your partner’s heart, romance and intimacy flourish.

Show Your Appreciation
Recognize, Honor & Praise

Do This Appreciation Check In…

How does your partner know that he or she is valued by you?
Do you express your appreciation and gratitude to each other out loud?   How often?

In essence, appreciation involves looking for what is good versus what is bad. Let your partner know OUT LOUD when you are thinking GOOD things about them. It’s just being a little more generous with your praise, acknowledgement and gratitude.

And it’s so easy to do! It’s as simple as giving your partner a couple of compliments a day, a wink of recognition, a hug of thanks. It almost doesn’t matter what you focus on with your appreciation. “Wow, you look beautiful!” “I am so lucky to be with you.” or even  “Thank you for sweeping the floor, it looks great.”  It’s the recognition that you are appreciating and seeing how important your partner is to the mainstay of your relationship, and in your life.

That sort of seeing, acknowledging, and expression of positive regard communicates so much more than the words convey. The underlying core message you are sending is “I value you.” “You are important to me.” “What you’re doing is important for us.” “Because of you, my life is so much better.”  Your partner naturally feels more accepted, loved, and valued. This feeds romance more deliciously than a great dinner out on the town.

“Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.”  Christiane Northrup 

Affection: Keep In Touch

Often, we think affection is sex, or a strategy for having sex. And, that’s certainly one way to communicate your love. But affection is touching heart to heart, not just body to body. It’s your words and open hearted gestures that say I love you and express closeness. It’s stroking each other as you walk by. It’s sending a kiss across the room. It’s making eye contact and really seeing each other. It’s hugging and holding each other. As a matter of fact, being affectionate is GOOD for your health and well being. Doctors have found that touching and being touched helps us to thrive. It takes little time to open our arms to one another and has huge benefits. Giving lots of warm hugs to your partner is a great way to strengthen your ability to give and receive affection.

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” Tom Mullen

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